Robert La Bua gets springrolled in Southeast Asia’s darling destination.

Flowers, palm trees, fumes, smoke, fruits, dogs, swastikas, smiles.  Welcome to Vietnam, a country with more motorcycles on the roads than drivers.

Vietnam’s H-stinations—Hanoi, Halong Bay, Hué, Hoi An, and Ho Chi Minh City—are among the top travel destinations in this nation of varied landscapes and magic tailors.  Traffic is beyond chaotic, pollution omnipresent, and irregular sidewalks can catch even low heels, but these superficial annoyances belie the appeal of what lies beneath.  After a while, the resilience of the Vietnamese themselves will leave a far stronger impression than the footpaths, as will superb examples of French colonial architecture, exquisite cuisine delicately prepared and artfully presented, and lush landscapes camouflaging the horrors of recent history.

Reminders of the French colonial period and the American War (as the Vietnam War is called in Vietnam) are as inescapable and omnipresent as they are subtle and introspective.  Today, with hordes of (ironically, mostly French and American) tourist groups trooping through the country, it is difficult for visitors to imagine that only 30 years ago, Vietnam was the scene of one of the most astonishingly horrific events in human history.  While the Vietnamese certainly do not dwell on the past, neither is it forgotten.

Far from the expanding urban sprawl of the country’s population centres is a stupendously beautiful array of natural landscapes.  Halong Bay, a UNESCO World Heritage site where karst formations jut from the sea, may be less famous than the more visited formations in Thailand, but unlike in Thailand, here there are hundreds of rocky appendages rising into the sky.

The citadel of Hué is one of the country’s historic highlights. An enormous expanse of walled city, the citadel encompasses intricately detailed architecture and gardens as well as a palpable sense of history.

Hoi An is the tailoring capital of the country; it’s a drag queen’s or fashion queen’s ultimate dream come true. Buy material in the morning, get measured, and wear your finished clothes that night.  As with most other services in the country, the cost will be astonishingly cheap.

Ho Chi Minh City, still called Saigon in everyday conversation, is the soul of the country.  Here, in an appealing city dotted with gardens of lush tropical foliage, tree-lined boulevards, pickpockets, and Saturday-night teen lovers in the park races the pulse of Vietnam.  Much more relaxed in its hot lifestyle than cool Hanoi, HCMC goes about its pleasure as much as its business.  HCMC is home to Vietnam’s burgeoning gay scene, where discretion is advised but, as everywhere else in the world, boys just wanna have fun. 

Do a web search for “gay Vietnam” and you will find them.  Refrain, however, from hiring one of HCMC’s cycle masseurs who offer rubdowns for less than five dollars; there will be an ugly scene after a perfunctory massage, but the threat to call police is merely an extortionate ploy since it would be the masseur arrested rather than you.  In Vietnam, surprisingly, there are no laws against homosexuality (only public immorality, which would have half the politicians in Australia behind bars) but there certainly are against prostitution.

Recommendation:  use your charm, not your cash.

Photos:  Robert La Bua